Life, or something close to it.

I do not wish to scale the highest mountain. For then, what do I have left to climb? Once I reach the tallest peak, even the smallest of steps that I take next, will mark the beginning of my decline. I do not wish to cross the widest sea. For then, what do I swim across next? Will then the water that set me free feel the same again? I do not have a set objective for life, neither a definite goal nor a divine purpose. I am not in a resolute pursuit of the ultimate. I am apprehensive about a wholehearted devotion to a singular cause that is supposed to hold the meaning of life. And though I am scared of being a complete and abject failure, I am more fearful of any abrupt success. Because if I somehow fulfill the purpose, that I have prepared my whole life for, will I not be then doomed to a life of glorious reminiscence and regrettable future? If I prepare my whole life to climb the tallest mountain or swim across the widest sea, and once I complete it, will I be able to climb any other mountain with the same passion? Will the sea hold the same sense of freedom she once did? All I have in life are just these, my questions. And all I want my life to be is a defiant pursuit of answers. A pursuit of neither the riches of the coffers of Hades, nor the romantic blessings of Aphrodite but just a simple yearning to pass this life in a journey where on my way I manage to collect a few answers and I wish the answers I do receive lead me to more questions, and my thirst keep increasing, till I reach a point where either I feel comfortable with the answers my life has offered or my quest overwhelms me and renders me motionless. But if I do feel content on having learnt all that I wanted to learn, if I do feel satisfied that I know all that I wanted to know, if I can decree my thirst quenched, I will consider my life fruitful, my purpose complete and I will welcome my death. But for now, I wish for courage to never forget what I am and not give up my pursuit of the unknown.

'Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame!'- W.B.Yeats

Dhaka, she's such a tease. Its summer now. Day after day, it gets hotter and more humid. The increase is efficiently steady. And the day I conclude that today has to be the hottest and it can’t get hotter than this, the very next day it does. There's heat, so much heat and there's humidity but no rain, unfortunately. So it’s just the draining heat without any respite, no rain for company, no escape from the sun. Every passing hour of every day is a struggle against the wet, sticky sweat beads and the ever exhausting dehydration. And just when I feel broken down and begin to think how much more of this can I really take, she sends in the smoothest, the gentlest, evening breeze. As if a small gust of air could make up for so much torture, but, it almost does. And though I know I’m supposed to be sulking over how unfair she can really be, the feel of the cool wind against me makes me forget just about everything. The wind is so alluring, it’s almost impossible not to enjoy it.

But more often than not, the breeze doesn’t stay a simple gentle breeze for long, it becomes more powerful and maybe more destructive but for me that's what makes it even better. I do not live along the coastlines, and though I’ve heard of the hundreds who lose their home to this very wind, it’s hard to stay mad at something so pure. It may cause absolute mayhem and take many human lives but by the time it reaches me, it’s just perfect. It may have arrived from a bloody past but when with me all it is, is a very blatant but very pleasant reminder that Dhaka can be wonderful if she wants to. And I know tomorrow, the sun will shine again, brighter and hotter and Dhaka will be back to her normal self, and our love-hate relationship will continue, buts that tomorrow. Today she's in a good mood and the wind is just so heavenly. It's the perfect company, if there ever was one .Why can't she be this way all the time? Even the harsh wind would do, if she’s in a foul mood. It would be hard to walk, it would be hard to drive, and basically it would be hard to move around, with unprofitable disruption of transportation but it would be so easy to smile.

Life. The undying mystery of our existence is astonishing, amazing and quite frankly exasperating. How far does a man have to go before he finds his answer to the ultimate of all queries, what is life? And it will be his answer because I think each of us has a separate answer to be found. In fact, each of us has a separate answer for the separate periods of time that we are going through. What I felt life was, around ten years ago, isn't what I feel now. The meaning of life for me has changed, drastically but also inevitably. Our definitions of life change with time, and so it should. Nothing stays the same. Change is unavoidable. So, for me, (believing that it’s meaning is ever transient), life is the present. And it’s not necessarily along the lines of 'live life as if it’s your last day' mantra. No, none of that, because more often than not, circumstances dictate our course of actions, or rather we let it. Life simply put, is the present. What you are going through now, is life. It might be a rainbow of happiness, with sunny skies and rosy beds. If it is, that's really good. There is no reason why it can’t be so. Or, your present maybe horrible, a dreary tread through the unrelenting motions of frustration that echo day after day after day. If that's what it is, well, tough luck, that is life. The future may change everything. But the future is an illusion and nothing more than a fictional apparition. There is every possibility that things may get better and the struggles you put in today may reap you benefits that you so deserve and you may bring about a change. But change isn’t a guarantee of better things to come. You then plunge into another phase in your life and find a new definition, it may be more blissful or it may be more miserable. Life knows no justice. It knows neither compassion nor disdain. It doesn’t measure out equal amounts of happiness and sorrow to hand out to everyone, so each of us is happy and sad in equality. Happiness and sorrow are your achievements. All life gives you is your present, what you have now, this moment that's alive. The past is gone, it’s dead. You may linger with your memories of how good it all was once, but that is nothing more than a few thoughts circling in your head. It is romantic to remember the good old days, but unfortunately futile. The future is just a hollow promise. It’s something to pin your hopes to, just so to avoid the feeling of absolute dejection. Hopes that maybe based on nothing more than a sincere, illogical wish. The present however, is real. The present is all you have. The present is all you'll get.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment" - Buddha.

The reality of life is harsh. We struggle for a cause that doesn’t seem worth the struggle and strive for a future that will never be what we hope. Every day we carry on, knowing that tomorrow won’t be better than today but we do not stop because under the most squalid circumstances we are capable of hope. Hope without logic, without reason. Our fault does not lie in our ability to hope but in our inability to act. We are quick to hope but tentative when we are called into action. We trudge through the repeated, unremitting motions of our existence day after day, hoping for something better but never doing anything to effect a change, just because it’s the way of the world. We rely on tradition, culture, and normalcy. We have forgotten our ability of original thought. We fail to build individual principles, our notions of truth and lies. What we hold as right and wrong, aren’t what we experienced from life. No, they are the convictions of the people who brought us up. We are but mere mirrors of the beliefs of those who sheltered us, and they of theirs who nourished them. It's wrong to cheat, it's wrong to steal, it's wrong to fight. We’ve all been taught and we've accepted without question. It wasn't what we experienced. If we were just allowed to learn it ourselves maybe we would've come to the conclusion that lying isn’t so bad, it gets me out of difficult situations, stealing isn’t so bad I get things for free, cheating isn’t so bad, I get more than what my effort deserved. But we were told these the wrong paths of life, a path we shouldn't play with. So, we try our best to stay far, to stay 'right' and we follow what we’ve been taught, which is good as long as it’s actually right. But we were also taught about the cast system, about every superstition we so arduously follow, about why we should stay away from the untouchables, about why cast comes before love, why faith in God should be without question. Are we not capable of thinking that to discriminate without reason is not rational, that race and cast are illogical, that blind faith in God is what the terrorizes of our era use as their main ammo. We were educated about the flaws of these practices. But the education system of our times is a laughable affair. We do not study to know new things, to understand our subject of choice. We study to pass in examinations. It's not knowledge we're after, it's marks. The thing which is supposed to be our greatest inspiration for original thoughts fails us. What greatness can we achieve if we study about the lives of great men not to get inspired but because it’s important for a short note in examination.
From the day we were capable of original thoughts we've been told what to think. From the day we were capable of individual action we've been told what to do. From the day we were capable of leading we've been told to follow. From the day we were capable of freedom, we've been held captive.
Ours is the thinking mind, the curious mind, the rational mind, a mind capable of amazing discoveries. We can change the way of the world if we take a moment to think, not just play in our minds what we've been taught but actually ponder about the working mechanism of the world. We should take pride in our sense of curiosity and our ability of action. How much more time do we need to understand things need to change with time. We keep moving through, pass each day in detestable normalcy, our potential rotting within the confines of a typical life. This practice that continued unquestioned through generations has now become a habit and will soon turn into an instinct. And then it will be within our genes to fight not to live, but to exist, to struggle not to think but to accept what has been told.
We fight our every instinct that drives us towards freedom, drives towards a cliff and pushes us off into undiscovered lands. We who are yet unaware if our wings are made of feather or of wax. We who might crash and burn or soar through the heights of ecstasy. A dive into the unknown, to not just learn but to experience and build an original perspective. But we dare not follow our freedom path. We hold on to the enticing thread of security that keeps us from plunging into an abyss, an abyss filled with the insane and the genius. An original thought is never a normal thought, and an abnormal thought is never considered a sane thought. That is the price we have to pay for originality. We are either followers of rules of society or we are insane. In this practice of normalcy we've become mere slaves not permitted a thought of originality. We've forgotten in the crowd of society that we are first and foremost individuals. We are capable of questioning the facets of society we feel aren’t right. We need not follow everything society orders us to. A society that is archaic, ragged, and obsolete. We are capable of thought. It’s about time we began thinking.