Life, or something close to it.

Today was the first shower of the new season. What ensued was a tree torn apart, three hours of darkness and a drenched me. But it was all worth it, to feel the irrational joy of getting wet in the simple but heavenly drops of water that rushed down upon me, to forget for those few moments of unexplainable madness, everything that able to bring me down so easily and to feel alive in the moment at hand without what I regret and without what I’ve been promised. It’s an extraordinary feeling from such a dull, vapid and ordinary event. In truth, it is nothing more than the water cycle that we had to study so many times in our school years. Water evaporates, cools down and then precipitates. Two plus two equals four. But there are things that transcend the rational thinking. Somehow it is difficult to include the liberating outcome of rain within the confines of the tangible explanations of reason. How can anyone explain the freedom, the joy, and the euphoria of a simple February rain? Such things aren’t rational. But being rational is never that fun, getting wet in the rain however, is. And fun is highly underrated. What happens next? A cold? A cough? Pfff, bring it ON! All worth it. Anyway, here’s a poem I wrote about it.

The first shower

The burdening heat, the unrelenting cold.
The endless reminders of dreams I’ve sold.
I remember it all in cruel clarity,
In every hated bead of sweat, in every shiver of regretted sanity.

Give me a drop of freedom,
A potion to take away the pain.
A drug to numb my senses,
An evening of heavenly rain.

Let it rain tonight without a pause,
Let it drown all that I ever was.
Let it break my chains and set me free.
And let me decide who I will be.

The rain washes away old mistakes,
It directs me to paths un-tread.
It saves my soul and if only for a moment
It awakens in me what I thought was dead.

Drenched in this cathartic shower,
There is no future, there is no past.
Everything I have, began this moment
And it will remain till the moment lasts.

‘Such stupid notions, such ridiculous ideas.
A molecule of water could never do what you claim.
It's just a down pour of a futile liquid.
Your thoughts are indicators of an unstable brain.’

You'd never understand the absolving power,
Of a simple joyous evening rain.
I’d give up the remainder of my sanity,
Just to feel this way again.

The rain stops, a fresh breeze invades.
A deep breath to mark a new start.
The moment has passed, a new one begins.
But is there courage still left in my heart?

Can I carry on after the rain?
Fight on against the heat and cold.
Will all that I fear haunt me again?
Or will I decide how my life unfolds?

John Terry has been in the news lately courtesy of his misdemeanors and such. But why is it that we are so quick to point our fingers at him for doing what he did. He is a human being like any of us, susceptible to mistakes, enticed by temptations. And to put it simply, he can do what he wants in his private life. That is why it is called a private life. What business is it of ours? Is he a celibate monk who forgot his religion? No, he is not. He is a footballer. And the only thing we can condemn him for is if he screws up things in football. A horrendous tackle to break an opponent’s leg, we could chastise him for that. But no, not for this. Sensationalizing things at the expense of the peace of mind of another human being is simply wrong. Okay yes, in our eyes what he did was wrong. But it was not us he wronged. The matter at hand is for the people, who are involved in it directly, to solve. He owes us nothing but a good performance in the football field. And nobody can question John Terry’s performance. Every time he steps in the hallowed turf, he is captain fantastic. A captain has to be a leader and John Terry is a leader. The relationship we share with footballers begins in the field and ends in the field. His affairs, his transgressions, his mistakes, it’s not for us to judge. We are football fans not some gossip mongers. We are interested the 90 minutes he spends with us every weekend. What he does for the rest of the week is his life. The media will do what it has to get readers. And we being human beings are always more interested in the fall of a hero than the rise of a pauper. We feel good to see the black smears across the previously impeccable colors that decorated a champion’s character. But this is not the right way.
Of course, John Terry is a role model. He is an idol for children. And obviously we are worried about how children would react when they understand the lapse of their hero. But aren’t we the immediate role models of the children around us? What will they understand when they see their elders praise and worship someone for his admirable determination, and in the next moment they leave his side and point fingers at him and condemn him? Such swift changes of opinions swayed by a few printed words in the gossip columns of a hungry newspaper. Is that who we are?
I am not a big supporter of John Terry but that’s because he plays for a rival team. And I will denounce him and scream my lungs out, for every tackle he gets wrong. But never for what he does in his non-football life. I know him as a footballer. A proper footballer. And I respect his commitment for his team. His private life is his private life. We only share the blissful realm of the football world and I will not lose my respect because of some stupid things he did. We are all vulnerable to stupidity. And this is after all a world cup year.
If you don’t agree with all of this and still chastise Terry for what he did, I have one question to ask. Its hypothetical but with possibilities of turning into a very real scenario. In July the 11th, the World Cup Final, when England are playing Argentina and Lionel Messi is racing through the ‘D’ area and there is only one chance for a defender to make a last ditch tackle, which England defender would you want to make that tackle?

We are a culture of carbonated beverages, alcoholic happiness and high speed internet. Pursuers of evenings at restaurants on weekends after a week of sitting behind a desk in a chair that doesn't feel right. Followers of work hard (at jobs you hate) and party harder (so for one night you can forget that the job you'll struggle through for the rest of your life, exists). We are slaves to the dismal stories on the picture tube and the three hour long love affairs of people that pretend to understand the meaning of happiness. Slaves of caffeine infested eyes and head phoned ears. Ours is the time of droughts on earth and water on moon. Of greenhouse gases, boisterous hurricanes and unforgiving tsunamis. Starless nights and receding coastlines, pet boa constrictors and endangered eagles. We live in an age of Facebook friends and online romance, diminishing distances and increasing cyberspace, youtube wedding tapes and flixter family albums. High definition celebrities, satellite locations, flat screen TVs and expansive greed. Miniature cellular phones and touch-screen music. Nuclear warheads but infuriating power cuts. Advancing technology but diminishing humanity. Freshly spawned religions but the same good old racism. Ritalin induced concentration and anti-depressant smiles. Of eternal love that last for a month, of poetry that has now become cheesy and web-cam meetings. Of short message services and captured memories. Of teen pregnancy and swift abortions. Split personalities and bipolar disorders. Silicone implants and diabetic amputation. Flying wizards and vegetarian vampires. Mayan predictions, disappearing oil and exponential population. An age of glorious pasts and doomed future. A epoch of changing languages, where vowels have become superfluous and spellings are unnecessary. So welcome to 2010 where if u dnt undrstand wht u r readin' rght now, u're in a plce where u dnt belong n da ppl u want to be wid u, r alrdy chnging dere convictions to be part of dis new age. Where eider u r 1 of dem, or a hopeless old bore. We are victims of our prejudice and perpetrators of our own misery. And it’ll be a long time before these things change. Have a very happy new bloody year.
But, after all of these arguments there is one reason why you should celebrate the commencement of 2010. It is after all, a World Cup year. GO WAZZA!

I am not against god. I quite like the idea of someone watching over us all. It’s like a fairy tale a lot of grownups believe. It’s a way to shift the blames of our inherent shortcomings, because as all of us know, we would have surely succeeded if god had wanted it. The idea of heaven makes us easier to tell children why their grandparents are dead and why snowflakes wont be coming back. And we should embrace everything that makes life a bit easier. What I am against is how God can look down from his throne and do nothing about everything that's happening down here. The people that are born with defects, the deaf, the blind and the dumb, the mentally retarded and the people with missing appendages. How does god allow that? It’s to show us how lucky we are to have all of this, that's what we've been told. Yes, and I do feel lucky to be born with all my senses intact, and the victim, well he's screwed. He just drew the shortest straw. If only he'd been more holy when he was a zygote, he would have had a better life. And how does anyone explain the thousands of innocent lives lost in natural calamities? I know, we are to blame for all the climate change and everything that happens in the future is the result of our past. But god is god. He can do anything he wants. Is it too much to ask for a small wave of his hands that would save thousands of lives. And they all say, god works in mysterious ways. What mystery can there be behind all of this? So many lives lost, while the people who should die, live, and the people who deserve to live, die young. I don’t have the authority to judge whose life is worth extending and whose should be terminated. But god does. And well, he's not really good at his job. And I understand life and death are part of the existence in earth. And people have to die one way or another. And some people lead good lives and some lead horrible ones. This is not my problem with the existence of God.
The problem I have is how he allows everything people are doing, claiming it's his will they are following. Animal sacrifices, religious segregations and terrorism, they do it all in his name. Terrorism has existed long enough in this world for even god to take notice from the proud height of his heavenly abode. How does God allow all these people, to use his name to do the things they do. But can you really blame them? They are doing what they have to do to recruit people and if they can take advantage of a name that everyone thinks is right, then why shouldn’t they? Apparently he has no problems with it. And a promise of heaven for an eternity is a pretty sweet deal. And what makes it even better, is that they think they're doing God's work, that’s what they’ve been told, which leads to a clear conscience. Who are we to question god? If he wants hundreds of innocent people dead, from a device he made someone invent for this very purpose, I am but a medium of his wish, and enforcer his whimsical orders. Either the people who use this pitch are genius or the people who believe in it are idiots. You don’t have to be Einstein to make a fool of fools and even Hitler would be a saint among the demons of hell. And god just allows this to happen. Day after day, he looks down and watches and waits. For what? And I figure there can only be two reasons behind it all.
1. He’s given up hope on us human beings and can’t wait for the apocalypse so he can start it all over again and get it right this time.
2. He agrees with the terrorist and what they are doing is actually god’s work
If I were to believe in god, I’d have to believe that either he's asleep or he's a part of everything that's going on. I’d have to believe that he has empathy for those who take lives in his name. And any god who stays quiet while all of this happens. Who looks down and does nothing except sit in his comfortable cushion of fluffy clouds listening to angels play harp, while lives burn from the flames of hatred raging among the creatures he created in his image, cannot be my god. If this is the image of god that I’ll have been given, that he's a lazy deserter whose mysterious ways are too difficult for me to understand while millions become victim for the satisfaction of his vanity, I’d rather look away. I’d rather not believe he exists than to face the reality of things if he did. So, no, I don’t have a problem with god, but that's probably because I don’t believe he exists. Have a very merry Christmas.

We are fallible creatures, easily tempted, easily subdued. With unimaginable desires for things we don't need. We are pretenders. We are cheaters. We are liars. We do things, things which, were they done by others we would chastise them, burn them, stone them. Our sins are always meager when compared. We are capable of astonishing horrors. Our vocabulary describes us. We have needs for words that shouldn’t exist, but they do because we put them in practice with our actions. Why do we have words like pedophilia, genocide, massacre, rape, patricide, holocaust, annihilation, apartheid? These are all testaments of our capabilities and how we have fulfilled them. We are quick to punish, slow to heal, slower to forgive. We are frail, easily betrayed. We revel in false hopes and futile dreams. We are cowards, doing things that are acceptable in everyone else’s eyes. We are pompous, ignorant and we think they can’t possibly be right if they’re against us. We assassinate. We fight. We stab. We kill. We murder. We war. We shake with the right hand and stab with the left. We betray. We endure. We torture. We hate. We are cruel. We are unforgiving. We make the Devil proud, we shout God’s name. We abandon reason. We terrorize. We bomb. We conspire. We differentiate. We are racists. We take advantage. We get richer. We lust. We indulge. We admonish. We preach and we don’t follow. We walk past. We accept. We flatter. We mock. We criticize. We humiliate. We envy. We wait for them to fall and when they do, we laugh at them. We blame. We deflect responsibility. We point our fingers. We judge. Without mercy we judge. Without understanding we judge. Without constraint we judge. With absolute disregard we judge but we fear judgment. We condemn. We do not do unto others, as we wish done unto us. We are despicable. We are appalling. We are lamentable. We are but mere human beings. We are hypocrites.
It’s a good thing god doesn’t exist. If he did he would be burning in shame looking down upon the abhorrent digression of his beloved creatures. Or maybe he does exist and he is.

"We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write 'fuck' on their airplanes because it's obscene! "- Walter E. Kurtz (excerpt from Apocalypse Now)