Life, or something close to it.

“You see, money to you means freedom; to me it means bondage.” I read this line an equally impressive book and it tore me apart. It made me question so many of the decisions I have made till now. From as far back as I can remember, I have had a strict perspective on what money means in my life. It is, I have felt, a necessary evil. Something that I don’t really want to work for, but it will be impossible to do anything if I don’t work for it. To do anything, I would have to get rid of the financial problems first, and then I would be free to do all that I wanted. But doesn’t that mean all I want are things that money can buy? Doesn’t being able to use money to get the feeling of freedom mean that freedom is for sale?
So many decisions that we have to make has to be between two choices, a smooth easy path that so many before us have followed and have found a convenient destiny and an unknown path that holds ours dreams but offers no promises. The easy path leads us to continuity, which will help us carry on our life the way we are doing, it will let us live in a compromise. The unknown path is a path of extremes, where either we may soar or we may crash. We have to choose between guarantee and desire. I had to make that choice, I folded. I decided on the path which seemed to be easier, secure. For if I made good in this path, I could easily jump across and then go chasing after my dreams. I thought first I would secure my lifestyle and then worry about my aspirations. But now I realize exactly in that moment I sold everything that I am. I became just another passenger of a never ending circle of existence we so casually describe as being normal. Was my lifestyle really worth sacrificing so much for? I didn’t think my dreams would be enough to help me live the way I want to, I lost faith. I feared whether I will be able to retrace my steps if it turned out to be a mistake. What if my wishes were simply a fool’s errand? But can it be called freedom, if I don’t have the freedom to make a mistake? Gandhi said, “Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.” Weren’t what I wanted from my life worth a shot? Did it ever come across my mind that the easier path may be a mistake? Couldn’t it be that I didn’t belong in this road? No, I just saw the end where I will supposedly be making enough money to go on living the way I want to. But how much money is enough money? Is it enough able to have three square meals a day, or do I need to be able to buy a car when my feet are fine, do I need to buy the latest cellular phone, do I need to earn enough so I can satisfy all my desires for material goods? We are the victims of a new world order. We cannot differentiate between need and want. Ours is not the fight for survival, ours is the fight for luxury. For how much would I need to survive? Do I have to earn millions to ensure a proper existence? Wont happiness be possible on a meager salary? No, it will not. Not in this world because we have decided that money is now the standard for happiness. Although not directly proportional, we have concluded that the more money we have the better chance we have at happiness. So, is happiness for sale?
There are two roads that lead to freedom, and we must traverse through both to reach where we want to. One is travel, the other books. For when we travel through countless places and read innumerable books will we achieve knowledge. The questions we have, many have asked them before. And a few have strived and traveled the world searching for the answers. Fewer have found them and they’ve either written it down in a book or passed it on to someone else. All we have to do is find that book or meet that person. But the beauty or the tragedy of it is, we have so many questions and the perfect solution awaits, there are so many books to read and so many places to go, so many people to meet. Knowledge and freedom are synonyms. We cannot have one without the other. To have complete freedom we need to know where the answers for our questions lie. Someone once said, ‘freedom is not free.’ So, what is the price for freedom? Does freedom demand a separation from everything around us? Can we be free till we have something to be worried about? What will I do if my cell phone stops working, will I be able afford a plasma TV when I grow up, will I be able to get the stain off this expensive rug, what if I lose all the money I have invested, what will happen if I lose my job? If such questions still haunt us can we ever be free? Does absolute freedom entail I forget all that I own and worry of nothing other than the untainted pursuit of knowledge?
“You see, money to you means freedom; to me it means bondage.” I do not completely understand what it means, but it’s a notion I can’t seem to get out of my head.

The book : The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham